Dating over 50: how to start again and enjoy it

Dating over 50 is its own thing, not a rerun of dating at 25, and in some ways a better one. This guide covers online dating over 50 from first photo to first date, for anyone new to it or coming back after years away. My Cupid Dates is UK-first, with members in the USA and Australia too, so the advice holds for dating over 50 in all three.

What's better about dating after 50

For a start, you know yourself: what you enjoy, what you'll compromise on and what you won't. That makes it much easier to spot someone who fits, and there's no need to pretend you love camping if you'd rather be at the theatre.

It's easier to be straight with people, too. Saying early on that you'd like a proper relationship, or good company and nothing more, isn't oversharing. It's a kindness that saves everyone a lot of guessing.

Your routines help as well. The right person fits alongside the home, friends and interests you already have, rather than asking you to rebuild your life around them.

People come to dating after 50 from all sorts of places: single after a long marriage, divorced, widowed, or never married at all. However you got here, none of it needs explaining or apologising for.

Decide what you'd like, and say so

First, decide what you're hoping for. There's no wrong answer, and it's allowed to change. It might be companionship, someone to do things with, a committed relationship, or love, again or for the first time. It might be living apart together: a committed couple who keep their own homes, which suits anyone attached to their own space (and their own way of loading the dishwasher).

Then say it on your profile: pick the kind of relationship you want, which feeds into daily match suggestions, and add a line in your own words, such as:

• "I'd love someone to share long walks and the odd weekend away with. Happy to see where it goes."
• "Widowed a few years ago, and ready for good company and some fun. No rush."

A profile that looks like you today

Photos from this year

Recent means the last year or so, not the lovely one from a wedding a decade ago: it's nicer to be recognised when you walk in than to watch someone work out whether it's you. Skip sunglasses and group shots, and let a friend choose: they'll pick the ones that look most like you.

Your real age

Shaving off a few years backfires. Suggestions take account of the age range each member wants, so you'd reach people hoping for someone younger and miss those who'd be glad to meet someone your age. It also spares you a first date that opens with a confession.

What a good weekend looks like

In your introduction, describe an ordinary good weekend, because that's what a partner would share. "A long walk on Saturday, lunch somewhere with a fire, and a film I've seen three times" says far more than "I enjoy travel and good food", which describes almost everyone. There's more on the wording in our guide to how to write a dating profile.

Online dating over 50: how it works, step by step

The site, like this advice, is for adults 18 and over. Members are of all ages, and people over 50 are very welcome.

1. Set up your profile

   Add a few photos, a short introduction, your interests and the kind of relationship you want. You'll have a username, so your real name and email are never shown publicly, and other members see your nearest town or city, never your address.

2. Check your daily match suggestions

   Each day the site suggests people, taking account of who you're looking for, age range, distance, recent activity, the kind of relationship wanted, interests, lifestyle habits, and beliefs and values.

3. Browse and search

   Browse profiles at your own pace, or search for what matters to you. VIP members get advanced search with unlimited results.

4. Likes and matches

   Like the profiles that appeal to you. If the feeling is mutual, it's a match, and a natural moment to say hello.

5. Send a message

   Private messages are where you get to know someone. There's a daily allowance, and VIP members can send as many as they like.

6. Ease in through the Activity Feed and Spaces

   Prefer not to open with a private message? Spend some time there first: read the articles, answer a poll and get a feel for the community.

Stuck, or unsure about someone? Support is run by real people, by chat and messaging, day and night.

First messages and first dates that feel easy

A good first message is short, friendly and about them. Pick one thing from their profile and ask about it: "Your profile says you've taken up the piano. How's it going?" is far easier to answer than "Hi, how are you?", and it shows you read what they wrote. For more wording to borrow, see these first message examples. Not everyone replies, and that's normal: silence usually says more about their week than about you.

When a conversation is going well, suggest meeting. Daytime plans work nicely: a coffee, a stroll somewhere busy or a light lunch. Aim for about an hour, because a second date is easy to arrange and a three-course dinner with the wrong person is hard to escape. Before you go:

• Meet in a public place.
• Make your own way there and back.
• Tell a friend where you're going and when you expect to be home.
• Trust your instincts, and leave if something doesn't sit right.

Our guide to meeting safely covers the rest, and the first date tips help with the date itself, including how to end it kindly.

When to tell the family, and when to introduce someone

If you have children or grandchildren, a few words on your profile are enough: "Two grown-up children and a grandson who thinks I'm hilarious" says plenty. Leave out names, schools and where anyone lives, and keep their photos off your profile.

Wait to introduce someone to your family until you're both fairly sure it's going somewhere, and start small. A relaxed lunch with one or two people is far easier than a big family birthday, and friends can be a gentler first step still.

Grown-up children sometimes have opinions, and not always quiet ones, particularly after a loss. Listen, as you'd want them to listen to you, then make your own decision: it's your life. It helps to tell them how you date. You meet in public, never send money, and a friend always knows where you are, which answers most of their worries.

Keeping your money safe: how to spot a scam

Scammers often target people who are newer to online dating, so one rule matters above all: never send money or gift cards to someone you've met online, however good the reason sounds or however long you've been talking. The same goes for bank details and investment tips. Someone genuinely interested in you won't ask.

Be wary of anyone who:

• always has a reason not to meet
• says they work overseas
• pushes you to move to another app or a phone number
• talks about love before you've even met
• has a sudden emergency that only you can help with

The site warns you when someone tries to move the chat to an outside app, a common tactic, and you don't have to go. If something seems off, block them instantly and report them in a couple of taps. Members who choose ID or video verification carry a badge: a good sign, but never a reason to send money. There's more in our guide to online dating scams.

Starting again, at your own pace

After a long marriage or a divorce

If you've spent years with one person, nobody expects you to know the etiquette, and most of it comes down to being honest, being kind and saying what you want. Your marriage doesn't need telling in your first few messages. If the ending is still recent, our guide to dating after a breakup may help you judge whether the time is right.

After a bereavement

No one else gets to decide when you're ready. Dating again doesn't mean you've stopped loving the person you lost, and you needn't keep them out of the conversation: they're part of your story, and the right person will understand. Try not to measure someone you've known for weeks against years of shared life. A new relationship can be different and still be good.

Building confidence and having fun

Confidence tends to arrive after the first few conversations, not before them. You don't owe anyone a reply to every message or a second date, and "Thanks for a lovely afternoon, but I don't see this going further" is a kind way to say so. Not every date will be the one, and that's fine: plenty will be a pleasant hour with an interesting person, which beats most of what's on telly. Treat it as meeting people rather than auditioning them, take a break when it stops being fun, and keep the rest of your life full. That's usually how the good things arrive: company, fun, someone to share things with, and perhaps love, on your own terms.

Quick questions

Where do I start with dating over 50?

Decide what you're hoping for, then put up a few recent photos and your real age. After that, a couple of friendly messages and one short coffee date will teach you more than any amount of reading.

Is My Cupid Dates only for people over 50?

No. It's a mainstream dating site for adults of every age, and your suggestions take account of the age range you're interested in.

Do I have to tell people I'm widowed or divorced?

No. A word or two on your profile is enough if you'd like people to know, or you can wait until a conversation is under way. It's your story to share when you choose.

How can I tell if someone is a romance scammer?

The usual signs are a request for money or gift cards, endless reasons not to meet, a job overseas, and pressure to carry on the chat somewhere else. If you notice any of them, stop replying, then block and report the profile.